In light of the Pikey's recent request for more friends...
Every religion needs specific things to advance itself.
1. A central figure.
2. A sacred text.
3. A martyr.
4. A history of persecution (well, it's not required but it certainly helps).
5. An identifying symbol.
6. Mystics (i.e.: saints/bodhisattvas/famous rabbis).
7. Someone to persecute.
8. Fanatical followers who twist your teachings to suit their own agendas.
The Grand Poobah Order of the Psychotic Baastards
I submit for the approval of the group:
1. Me (No choice, I simply had to)
2. The Calvin and Hobbes: Complete Edition
3. The Warrior Bard
4. We're all artists. You don't get much more persecuted.
5. a little help?
6. I say we make The Pikey our first mystic since he has such keen observations about humanity.
7. Conservative and Liberal Zealots who can't seem to find a balance.
8. NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS!!!
36 comments:
Perhaps Jaques will wish to be our first "Mystery worshipper"?
Oh, and as an addendum, there will be NONE of that praise band scheisse, either!!!
i was thinking John Williams as the central figure.
but you work too.
as for symbol...maybe a package of raman noodles.
Ours is a faith of open dialogue. Everything, including the central figure, is open for discussion and, unlike most faiths, for change from time to time.
I like John Williams as our central figure. Let's go with that.
Hmmm...ramen noodles...interesting.
I was thinking something a little less tangible...like Perfect 5ths!
sounds good to me.
Let's make our symbol an alto clef with a penis inserting itself into the middle.
nice...why didn't i think of that?
word verification: mxdvd
This is what I do.
And if we need someone to persecute... why not Jim Brickman?
I have to disagree on the sacred text. There are more lessons to be learned about life and being human in The Complete Calvin and Hobbes than all other holy texts.
word verification: mnify
We also need an offical greeting to other members.
"Mna, mna!!!"
mna, mna.
do you think my ordination from another denomination will transfer over to the GPOPB?
We are also non-exclusive in our membership.
I guess this makes us similar to the Unitarians.
I guess we have an imminent schism: Far Side vs. Calvin & Hobbes. C&H is the only way. If I'm going to be a martyr, I must not be one in vain.
THINKING REQUIRED!!!
word verification: sliqio
that can be one of our selling points.
"we offer what no other religion dares."
I want a cool hat.
How about a silver-speckled headband?
And our official drink would be a single-malt scotch. Except for the Pikey. Because he's a pussy.
word verification: ggpomp
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... this religion could really work for me!
Aye there lad, them's fightin' words. I'm not a pussy, I just EAT IT - like any good Irishman would do...har har!!! I don't touch the sauce so I really can be the first Irishman to take over the world!
We need to find a text we can all agree on...I'm still not on board with C&H (not that I don't like them, I do, but I think we can do better). Hmmmmmm?!
Oh, and don't forget, the official title is: The Grand Poobah Order of the Psychotic Baastards (or Bahstards, Depending on Where in Britain You're Actually From)...I know, hard to get on a business card, but what're you gonna do?
We should get a business card that says simply:
PUBES
Brilliant.
i think i have to side with the pikey on no C & H.
and i'd have to begin the tattooed sect of our religion.
Wait, wait, wait...
How about we use Doctor Who as our sacred text??? Nobody says it has to be in book form.
How about we use Calvin and Hobbes and The Far Side as supplements??? You know, like those crappy hymnal supplements you have at churches that want to consider themselves a bit more "groovy" only better because we don't need supplements to know we're groovy. They're just fun to read.
And Reed, speaking for those of us that don't ever want to be tattooed, but who have finally grown up enough not to hold it against anyone that is, we will make you Minister of Tattoos ("De plane, boss, de plane!!!").
Have to go with no on Doctor Who too, though I like the idea of supplemental reading. I'm personally just not really into the good Dr. all that much to lead my spiritual life according to Him. We'll keep trying though.
I do think you're on the right track with seeking other medium for the sacred text however. What does everyone think of "stoner" comedies? I think there's got to be one with potential.
Minister of Obnoxious Hispanic Midgets does sound kind of fun though - I might actually be jealous, no, wait...I get to be a famous rabbi don't I? Nevermind!
Oh and Reed, as long as you don't go all Homicidal Albino on us and start flogging yourself, I'm down with whatever!
word verification: qamxzacr - that could almost qualify as our secret code word (btw - I think we need a secret code word...ooh, and a handshake).
And a silly walk!
and accent.
This is a brilliant idea, instead of the 10 commandments, how about a top 10 list.
As far as a secret code word, to go along with the official greeting of "mna mna", should be "do do do do do".
What about Richard Simmons as a Saint?
yes. and what works does one perform to be canonized?
I'm not sure. Do we need a hero's quest?
yes.
Our quest should be to search for a way to get me back into my basement to compose something - hehe!!!
Or maybe we should just try to find a shrubbery.
"Whhhaaat is your name? Whhhhaaat is your quest? Whhhaaat is your favorite colour?"
Or even better than a Top Ten, the rules:
The First Rule of The Grand Poobah Order of the Psychotic Bastards is: You Do Not Talk About The Grand Poobah Order of the Psychotic Bastards.
The Second Rule of The Grand Poobah Order of the Psychotic Bastards is: You DO NOT Talk About The Grand Poobah Order of the Psychotic Bastards....
...etc.
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